Perspectives: Bras Are Like My Private Headgear

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of online gaming. (This sounds better than saying I’ve been playing a lot on the Internet ^^) One of the best features that my MMORPG of choice and many other RPGs have is the different ways you can personalize your character, through colored traits, costumes, and headgears!

Here are some ways that I find bras resemble headgear:

  

7. They are fun.

It’s a thrill seeing those headgear pixels come together in that space over the pixels that make up your head. It’s illogical until you feel that very specific joy.

It’s equally thrilling to jump into a fun, comfortable bra. It’s a physical burden off the shoulders of people changing out of ill-fitting bras, a continuous joy for enthusiasts… and a nice home for your chest!

  

6. They come in all colors, shapes and sizes (although they should come in more!).

I’ve seen people wearing sunflowers, sleeping cats, orc helmets, angel wings, flying goggles, gingerbread men, dead fish and more.

My mom was startled when I first asked if I could buy more colorful undies (That was back in middle school. Today I default to the comfy VS cotton/lace ones. They sometimes contain sequins and/or sparklies). She was also pretty startled to see my bra purchases; even in badly-fitting era, I liked solid, bright colors or unusual features (I still remember a bra, 34B, cotton but looked like denim. So much fun.). With her and probably lots of other women of her generation/mindset, the default is nude or muted, and full full full coverage. But look! There are SO many colors and patterns and cuts, and the range extends so much farther than what our local mall will ever see.

5. Each new piece is won as the result of a quest.

Headgears are often, if not mostly, put together by collecting materials and completing missions. In order to find materials and complete these missions, you either make enough money to buy what you need or kill the right monster for their loot. Some pieces take minutes. Some take months.

Bras are also hunted down. Maybe it’s a feature (a sub-30 strapless, anyone?), a discontinued brand, or a popular bra in an elusive size. Maybe it’s too pricey and you need to save up for it. Sometimes you just come across a great deal and find yourself completing a mission just like that. In all cases, I still say: EPIC QUEST.

  

4. If you reach out, people will help you.

There are massive walkthroughs and player guides that break down exactly what headgears do and how to obtain them. There are NPCs, user forums and fansites doling out unsolicited information. Reach out to in-game players for help! There are idiots but most players are wonderful men and women who are happy to help as much as they can.

This situation, I keep learning, was different years upon years ago, but today there is a huge and bustling community of bra-fitting, bra-admiring and bra-analyzing writers. Forums, websites, blogs galore! (Yes, they/we are slightly evangelical.) But every day I see people on reddit asking for input on their bra fit and on their measurements, and there are always several users jumping up to be helpful. If someone needs help and they speak up, by Gandalf’s pointy hat they WILL be helped!

3. After you learn to appreciate what you have and need, you start looking at more.

Since I have headgear against the undead, I should look into getting headgear that boosts my stats for fighting really fast monsters too. Get those dumb bats off my shoulder…

I already have several stories up so here’s something from a reddit stranger about getting addicted to bra-shopping. (Also love how this community defends its in-group!)

    

2. Different headgears suit different situations. / Different bras suit different situations.

Sometimes, you’re fighting hordes of insects in a bug-infested field. A leaf that minimizes damage taken from bug-type monsters can also minimize your need to use up all of your healing items. Sometimes, you’re up against zombies and orcs in a dark cave. They gang up on you really quickly if you’re not careful, so why not a nice hard helmet? It might be unreasonably heavy but it also provides an unreasonably high amount of defense. Maybe tonight you’ll tackle that dungeon tower with your friends. It’s a party; why not liven it up with a sleeping cat on your head?

Likewise, you’ll adjust to different needs and wants with different styles of bras. For a strapless or spaghetti top, you might want a strapless bra. For a physical day of moving house, you might want a more secure, max-coverage bra. For a day where you can really use a confidence booster to help you feel good about yourself, why not a possibly ridiculous but pretty and sexy bra under your otherwise totally casual outfit?

  

1. It’s your choice.

Simply put, you’re in front of one computer, and anyone who might not like what’s on your head is way over in front of some other faraway computer. As far as I know, game developers generally don’t let players steal headgears off one another’s heads. You’re wearing an eggshell that looks like a newbie’s freebie in a high-level tower; no one knows but you’ve imbued it with stat boosters and you need it to make up for your lack of agility. You’re wearing a fire-damage-resistant Santa hat in June in an underwater dungeon. It’s not too useful, but it looks awesome. Nothing actually matters, as long as you’re happy!

People may frown at your bra strap showing or your bra peeking out from a translucent top, but they honestly can’t do much (if anything) about it. Maybe they’ll say something. Maybe they’ll invade your personal space and, verging on sexual harrassment, touch you. Screw them! (Or, if they touch you, threaten to sue them.) They can’t do anything, and you can’t be expected to please them. Most of the time, they can’t even tell (until you encounter a bra-blogger who has memorized the shapes that each Ewa Michalak style produces) so how are they going to hold you accountable for that? They can’t, and don’t let them! As long as you’re respectful and thoughtful, and everyone else is respectful and thoughtful, the world will not stop turning because of your choice in bra.

  

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